i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
