if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
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Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
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ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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