smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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