ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
me + whiskey = a bad person
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
