We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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