Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
