Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Your penis caused this!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
