For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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