You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
