I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
