i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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