I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I love having hate sex.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
