Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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