So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
