dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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