Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
