I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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