U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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