oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
