I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
