You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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