So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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