How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
