You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
