i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
