I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
