i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
