I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
