I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
