new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
