I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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