Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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