Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"