; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I cut my penus on the lid.
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so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
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Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice