What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l