we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
