Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
