You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
