Can Purell be used as lube?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
