I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
