my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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