That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
