I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
