she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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