therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
