This girl is more easily done than said...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
