Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
