from now on my penis is your penis
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
