Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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