I want to walk on stilts...naked
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
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