I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Mom said you looked used
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
