So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
