what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Semen is not good for contacts.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
