and she was petting her beer can
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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