You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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