I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
