peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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