I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize