in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize