Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
