Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
