I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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