I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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