I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
