He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
