Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
