# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
