i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
